"nice to see you"
on the paranoia that comes with visibility and the visceral experience of being sober at brand events
too sober to disappear so i interrupt
and apologize
i say, “nice to meet you”
when i should’ve said, “nice to see you”
we’ve met before.
in rooms where “dreams come true”
luxury brands finally choosing you
where our gods are fashion houses
celebrities
themselves extracted into products we consume like elixirs
this must be church.
a place of worship
a hierarchical system
an unnatural ecosystem
where we step out of our rectangular devices and become flesh
where you see me with human skin for the first time
there is no predator
we are all prey.
beautiful lambs circling
too paranoid to look anyone in the eye
stick to the script
say the line
scorned narratives of this girl and that girl
a girl /who was my idol when i was 22/ mere steps from me
and after, when we leave the event, a friend asking why i ever looked up to her
i reply, “i think at 22, i followed her for body goals”
dismissed
unfollowed
mourning a tiny god
a symbol
right next to me
i won’t say hi
the invisible confrontation
the tension
of yourself and these flesh made digital gods
a parade of nothingness
of passerbys
taking a photo
swallowing “hi’s”
doors like revolvers
energy roulette
stop fiddling with your purse
remember your line
i say" “Kitty” at the door
hold my ego in my chest
pink pony hair boots
avoiding myself
in
every
room